Be You, Be Proud - Interview with Vicky Milne

As part of our Pride Month celebration and awareness initiative, we have had the pleasure of interviewing some colleagues across our Group who are part of the LGBTQ+ community to gain insight into their personal experiences.

We spoke with Vicky Milne from Stafforce, and in this interview, she offers a unique insight into her experiences, shedding light on the process of self-discovery and acceptance within her family, social circle and work life.

How did you know or realise that you were part of the LGBTQ+ community? Would you share your journey of self-discovery with us?

I think I knew from a very early age that I was gay. I was always into boys’ stuff, i.e. toys, sports etc. I was never interested in playing with dolls unless it was an action man with the Eagle Eye! Lol

Before being 12yrs old, I played football for the local U12 boy’s team, as there weren’t any teams for girls that age. Once I reached 12yrs old, I could no longer play for the boy’s teams due to restrictions on changing facilities. I went on to play for the local women’s team, which at the time was sponsored by Aston Villa. Once I moved from the Midlands to Lincolnshire, I played for a further four women’s teams. Around this time, at approximately 14yrs old, I felt like I needed to ‘be me’ and my true authentic self! I socialised with friends who were a part of the LGBT community, and this was where I felt comfortable, a part of something and happy!

What were some of your fears or concerns before coming out to others? Who was the first person you came out to, and what was their reaction?

I always wanted to tell my immediate family how I felt, but there was so much stigma around the LGBT community that I didn’t have the confidence to do that then. At the time, in the late ’70s, through the ’80s, the gay community were blamed for the AIDS outbreak, so it wasn’t easy to speak about it to others.

When I was 16yrs old (and after a couple of ciders behind the youth club) I went home and told my sister that I was gay, half expecting her to tell me I couldn’t be! That was so far from what I really experienced with her! She told me she knew and didn’t care what my preference was. I was her sister; she loved me unconditionally and she would support me in anything I chose to do. I was so relieved and felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It was the best feeling ever to know someone that close to me loved me for who I was.

I felt very fortunate that all my family supported my sexuality, and I think it even bought us closer. They knew me better and I could open up to them about my life!! They have always accepted my partners throughout and always made them feel like a part of our family. I had a few struggles throughout my teen years/early 20s, as not everyone was as accepting as my family. It was hard, at times, to be myself in the society that we lived in through the ’80s & ’90s.

It’s great to see today that there are support groups for people with no or very little support and how much more accepting society is around the LGBTQ+ community. There is still a way to go! The day we don’t need parades, events or media coverage to seek acceptance for the LGBTQ+ will be a great day for the community.

Did you have to ‘come out’ at your first place of work? What was that experience like?

My first job came about once I left school. I worked on a YTS (Youth Training Scheme) at the local leisure centre. I worked with a great bunch of people, and some became good friends that I still see and speak to today. The person I worked closely with approached me after we had been on a night out, and she let me know she knew! She was great! She told me to ‘just be me’ and that everyone on our shift would accept that was me and that’s that!! Again, the elation of how that made me feel was immense, I can still remember it until this day. Not only were my family supporting me, but my work colleagues did too!

Can you share how your peers, colleagues and superiors reacted when you came out? Were their responses generally positive or negative?

Due to the era I came from, I think sharing who I am with new colleagues or peers wouldn’t happen until I felt comfortable with them. I don’t think that is always a reflection on those people but maybe because of the struggles I did suffer in the past. I generally find today that 99% of people don’t care and accept all! Which is how it should be. I dislike how we put categories of people into a box! Let’s work to do away with ‘boxes’ and only use the banner of the ‘human race’!

Did you face any challenges or difficulties during this process? If so, how did you handle them?

I don’t believe I have faced any direct challenges in my five jobs since leaving school 33yrs ago. Nearly 22yrs of that I’ve spent at Nicholas Associates Group who have never made me feel any different to anyone else. I’ve had the same opportunities as everyone else gets. I have great relationships within all levels of our business, right from the very top down!

Do you have any suggestions of things/resources a business can provide the LGBTQ+ community within their workplace? To help them feel safe to be their authentic selves.

Just to make sure that all employees are aware of exactly that! Tell them that they need to ‘come as you are’ and support who they are. Allowing everyone to truly be themselves. Supporting things like Pride Month is a great place to start! Share support groups that individuals could contact, if they don’t feel they have that support in their immediate social circles or family. Also, ensuring that line managers are equipped to or have a place to obtain support and guidance themselves so they can offer the right level of support to their LGBTQ+ colleagues.

What advice would you give to someone who wants to come out but is fearful or apprehensive? Are there any specific steps or preparations they should take?

Each situation of someone’s ‘coming out’ experience is unique to that individual. Not everyone is fortunate to have the support that I have had throughout my life. There are many support groups for anyone struggling with any aspects of coming out, whether that be acceptance of yourself, your fears of how others may not accept you, or putting you in touch with LGBTQ+ communities in your area. I would say be true to yourself but certainly do that at your own pace and seek the right support.

Have you noticed any positive changes in the world of work towards LGBTQ+ individuals since coming out? If so, can you provide some examples?

I think most things evolve, for the better, when you constantly work at something. The LGBTQ+ community and groups have worked hard over the years to bring awareness to all. I think there definitely have been advancements to help the LGBTQ+. I think once you bring an increased awareness to all, it helps in all aspects for the community. Having safe spaces for the LGBTQ+ to socialise has helped the community grow and individuals to be their authentic selves, bringing wider support for all.

Click on the link below to see more from Vicky 🙂 

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH ALL – BE YOU, BE KIND & BE SAFE!